Today is the third of March, 2025. I, Toby Coleman, am currently here in Bendigo, writing this plan. I had a revelation last night after taking Dextromethorphan recreationally, something I do commonly. However, this was no common experience, as I was stood in front of people of whom I had never met before, people I likely never would have known prior to this experience. It felt like an experience that lasted years, if not decades, yet mere minutes had passed. Not long after, I was ripped away from this divine experience by reality, reminding me that I do, in fact, exist in the real world. And yet, despite being such a short experience in reality, it might as well have been longer than the entire existence of humanity, or so it felt. Of course, conveying such a thing is damn near impossible for even an MIT graduate like me, so I won't even try. Instead, I will explain to you, in the form of a plan I vaguely drafted in my mind during the aforementioned experience. This plan, which I believe to be my 'magnum opus', is the plan of all plans. If there was ever a "most important plan", this would be it. In fact, I am willing to bet on the sheer importance of this plan with my life, because I am planning to put this plan into execution some time in the near or distant future. When, of course, I do not know. But what I can say for sure is that this plan will happen at some point in my lifetime. With that said, let's get into the nitty gritty of it, the bread and butter, the substance of this plan if you will. I could spend hours upon hours talking your head off with meaningless buzzwords and slang terms, but what good is a plan that doesn't tell you anything? No good, that's what. With all of that said, let's get into it. Oh, and be prepared, because this is a long, long, plan. So sit back, grab yourself a drink (and maybe a snack), and enjoy the ride of a plan I call The Mexico Plan.
Of course, a good plan is no good without a beginning. And while we all hate slow beginnings, that is exactly what we have to start with. Let's be honest, you've had some slow beginnings at some point in life, and you managed to get through those, so who's to say we can't get through this beginning? To start off, we have to get to Europe, specifically France or Italy. Living in Bendigo, the absolute center of Victoria, I've got a lot of airport choices to say the least. After doing some hard research, I came to the conclusion that I would have several strong choices; those being Bendigo Airport (obviously), Melbourne Airport, Essendon Airport, and several other small airports that I honestly could care less to include. Let's start off with Bendigo Airport, which is very easy to check off immediately considering it's a regional airport, making it a disappointingly worthless aerodrome, which is quite a shame considering the proximity. Next up is Melbourne Airport, the main airport of the city with the same name. This is quite a strong choice, as it boasts the second highest air traffic in the entire country, making it not only one of the best airports if you want to get in or out of Australia, but also the busiest. That said, it also has by far the best website design of the three, which is, of course, not a massive indicator of how good an airport is, and is rather trivial to point out, but I might as well, considering how much some people seem to care about website design these days. I mean for crying out loud, look at my website, you think I care? That said, figuring out the airport to fly out of requires us to know where we want to fly *to*, so we should probably figure that out first. According to Google, France tends to be cheaper to fly into, though that's not all. We next need to figure out which city to fly into, though this should be fairly trivial to figure out as well. Google says that the cheapest cities are Paris, Nice, Toulouse, and Lyon. Also, during my research, I discovered that Essendon Airport no longer offers international flights, so we can cross that off the list, making Melbourne Airport the sole and only choice. Anyhow, back to deciding which city to fly into. Flights to Paris tend to average around $1,900 to $2,100, so this could be a rather expensive option. Nice is even more expensive, averaging around an eye-watering $2,200. Lyon and Toulouse were no cheaper, some flights even reaching a mind-blowing $2,500. The option is quite clear here, so Paris it is. Of course, that is not all, as we now have to figure out Italy.
Italy. What words come to mind when you hear the word Italy? Chances are, you probably think of things like pizza, pasta, and other stuff like that. But when I think of Italy, I think of *cheapness*. Because unlike the flights from Australia to France, flights from France to Italy are cheap as dirt, averaging around $90 to $130, a far cry from the thousands you'd be blowing on the previous flights, though that is far from a surprise given how close France and Italy are. With that said, the choice is pretty clear, and not much planning is needed here. Now, I would split the next planning section into Act 4, but I felt as though that would be unreasonable with how short this act has been so far. So to the dismay of many perfectionists, this act will be more of an act in two parts. Kicking off "part two" of Act 3, we have the flight from Italy to the United States. Now, as someone who has flown between Australia and the United States, Boston to be specific, I can tell you with confidence that flights between the two are not for the light-walleted. Thankfully, we not only are flying from Italy, which is much cheaper than Australia in terms of flights to America, but budget is far from an issue here, so worry not my dear reader. Since we will be picking up Cory, who I will elaborate on further later in this document, we will need to fly into Florida. Flights from Italy to Florida are quite cheap, at least as far as flights to the US go. You'd be paying about $800 to $1,000, which may not sound too bad at first, but then you remember that we are bringing not only one person, but three on this flight, meaning we'd be paying upwards of **three thousand** AUD just to get to Florida. But you reap what you sow, and we've sown too much not to reap. So let's delay no further, and get on with Act 4!
Now, you may be thinking, why are you already talking about Mexico? Well it will soon make sense when you realize that after Florida we will be going to New Mexico, which is basically just Mexico, but new, right? Okay, maybe not. But hey, you gotta admit, they are kinda similar, the names, at least. Jokes aside, we will need to figure out whether it will be more economical to fly or drive from Florida to New Mexico. Considering that not only do we have not one, but four people, and we'll be travelling more than half-way across the United States, this will be quite important to figure out. A quick Google search reveals that flying is typically cheaper in situations like this, so the choice is clear; flying it is. Believe it or not, flights from Florida to NM will set you back anywhere from a modest $300 to a whopping $650, so I think driving will be the more economical choice. Using the US government's fuel economy calculator, along with the quick pick of a 2025 Volkswagen Atlas for the car of choice, we can easily expect to pay around $250 USD, or about $400 AUD, not accounting for miscellaneous costs such as meals and the like. So sure, you could argue that flying would be cheaper, but your argument falls apart almost immediately when you realize that the flying costs could be brought up into the thousands when taking into consideration the fact that we've got multiple passengers. With that said, driving is the obvious choice, so that's what we'll be doing. Moving on, we have to figure out Mexico. Yes, Mexico, not New Mexico. For reasons I not only cannot explain nor remember, we will be picking either Pachuca or Sinaloa for the destination. Considering flying costs, we'll be going with the car again. Using the same calculator, we can expect to pay about $130 USD or $200 AUD in gas fees driving to Sinaloa, or about $200 USD or $320 AUD driving to Pachuca. Therefore, the choice is clear as day, we'll be doing Sinaloa, as disappointing as it may be.
If you've made it this far, you've probably been thinking to yourself this whole time, "Jeez, this guy sure loves to ramble all about flying, driving, and costs. But when will he actually get to the meat and potatoes of this? I mean, it's a plan, not a friggin' menu!" And to that, my dear reader, I say, you're about to find out, because now is when I actually outline the *plan* itself, not just the prices and whatnot. To start off on Day 1, I'll leave early for the airport, as it is generally good practice to do so. After arriving in France, it'll still be quite early in the morning (jet lag, eh?) so plenty of time to rest at a hotel, get a quick meal, and leave to pick up Matthew. The drive from Paris to Matt's house is about an hour, so I should get there around 3 PM, given adequate travel and rest time. We should arrive at the airport for the flight to Italy around 5 PM, and land in Rome around 7. Once there, we'll pick up Mazzini, get dinner, and book a hotel for the night. Come morning of Day 2, we'll prepare for the flight to Florida. Have a quick breakfast, get to the airport, and catch the flight. Adjusting for time zones, we should touch down in Tampa right around 12 in the afternoon. We'll pick up Cory, get lunch, and begin the drive. By midnight, we'll book a hotel, and be well rested for the remaining 16 hour drive the next day. Day 3, me, Matt, Mazzini, and Cory are all ready for the drive to NM. We get in the Atlas and begin the long haul, driving day to night until we finally arrive in Albuquerque around midnight. Given the time, we'll stay over at Alan's house for the night in preparation for the drive to Mexico. Day 4, the five of us get ready for the drive to Mexico. Believe it or not, Sinaloa is also quite a far drive, so this will also be almost exclusively a driving day. Day 5, the final day. Me, Matt, Mazzini, Cory, and Alan Morford arrive in Sinaloa. Tired and exhausted, we take a day off to blow off some steam and rest for a bit.
After arriving in Sinaloa, we can start the Harem. We can buy a cheap property for about $4,500,000 MXN, or about $352,528 AUD. After obtaining the property, we can start the Harem. Now at this point, you may be wondering, "Hey, isn't Cory a minor? Isn't that illegal? I mean, I know it's Mexico and all, but it's not a third world country, they have age of consent laws too!" and to that I say, touché. Sure, this may be skirting the law a bit, but the age of consent is Sinaloa is 12, so we're operating fully in the law here. Plus, no harm no foul. Meaning, Cory can have all the fun they want without having to worry about dictators telling them what they can and can't do with their body at 14. How's that for a contradiction?
Yeah, ending notes are pretty 20th century. But hey, who cares? Free speech or whatever, even if that *technically* doesn't exist in Australia. Yeah, I can't really think of anything to put here, and I'm not just gonna put some random bullshit such as my life sob-story like all the big authors do. So what I have to say is thanks for reading my plan, and I hope this evoked some thoughts in you. See ya!